Listening to: Flesh and Bone by The Killers
Reading: like 5 different books . . . maybe 6?
Watching: memories playing behind my eyes
Playing: your mother
Eating: my face
Drinking: wet wet waterz, maybe some Code Red
First of all: yes I know. No journal/word for some odd months (like since last summer/fall-ish)
Lame. I dig. Me apple-oh-jeez
Also: currently in excess of 5,000 profile views and steadily rising. ^^ thankyouthankyouthankyou, as soon as I can, something artsy and tributey will be formed.
That said . . .
Bitching on facebook is lame and uncool (seriously, talk to your friends, don't bitch in public for no apparent reason) that said, all my friends are either asleep or busy with their shiny and brand new significant others (no grudge I swear, I'm uber glad they're happy, they need it), and I feel f**king lonesome right now and events of this past weekend weigh heavy on my apparently glasslike soul.
Extremely influential and emotionally destructive self-esteem issues aside, talking two people out of killing themselves and helping to relieve the pain resting on two other people who care deeply about one of the first two (wow dude, run-on sentence much?) while worrying about the lives and safety of several other friends kinda drains a guy. All in the course of about 3 hours too . . .
I'd try to be proud of myself for doing all I feel I could to be a decent human being, but I'm too drained, feeling too alone, and thinking WAY too much to feel anything really positive right now.
For example, I'm writing about this in a DevArt journal in a rather selfish attempt to feel like I've done something, and to look for sympathy from the maybe 2 or 3 people who read these (especially the nice long and depressing ones like this)
And yes, as I re-read this I very clearly see the somewhat tangential and spastic way my train of thought derails- I mean runs- itself.
I don't know much, but I am very very tired, and very very lonely. My own mind has never been a happy companion, and its just me right now.
Send me happy thoughts or something ;/ I dig brainwaves.
I love you all, ta
*sad, all-encompassing, heartfelt, full-body sigh*